Natural Troublemakers
by randomsomeone
Summary: Naruto decides to show Gaara how to have fun in a normal way—but when Naruto’s idea of “normal” fun catches Sakura in the crossfire, things get a little crazy. NaruGaaSaku, OT3, heavyduty crack.
1. Attack?

I found a quip by Norman Rubin about the tanuki and kitsune being a pair of "mischievous rogues who often get themselves into trouble" in Japanese folklore and ran with it. The result is some heavy-duty (if relatively clean) crackfic.

NaruGaaSaku OT3, post-time-jump spoilers. Naruto and associated characters belong to Kishimoto, not me, and I make no money off of this work.

* * *

If Tsunade wasn't mistaken, the boys were up to something.

She wouldn't have thought that Naruto's penchant for troublemaking would prove contagious. But with the way the blond stood close by Gaara, glancing about furtively—he was definitely up to something. And as for Gaara . . . She hadn't known that he could hold up his end of a conversation, let alone manage to look conspiratorial.

"They have a day off, a chance to relax for once," she muttered. "They'll do that rather than cause trouble, right?"

From her right, Gai made a noncommittal noise but said nothing.

"Besides," she mused out loud, "if anything, they should be affecting each other for the better. Naruto could help Gaara become a little more social, and Gaara might even be able to help show Naruto how to be more . . . mature." The Fifth Hokage smiled. Sand's Kazekage did seem to be explaining something to Naruto, who nodded enthusiastically at the other's gestures. _Of course,_ she thought. "See, look at them. They're guiding each other, in the best direction for both of our villages."

Konoha's original Beautiful Green Beast glanced at her from the corner of his eye. "You want to bet on it?"

Luck was with her; she knew it.

As she opened her mouth to accept the challenge, a shift of the wind brought her snippets of the previously inaudible conversation.

"But they can't be real!"

"They might be, though. Just think—"

Tsunade's jaw snapped shut fast enough for her teeth to click together.

"Come on," Naruto objected. "When's the last time you saw a pair _that big_ that were natural?"

"Aside from the obvious?"

"Oh, yeah. Don't know how I forgot about those . . ." After a second, the blond grinned, scratched his scalp, and tried again. "Are you even sure those were real?"

"Yes. I'm certain." A pause—and then, so faintly she almost missed it: "I touched them."

"Hey, hey, I didn't know you were on that good of terms!"

"It was a personal favor."

A glance at Gai for confirmation that she was really hearing what she thought she was hearing confirmed only that the shinobi was unobtrusively looking down her shirt.

"Gai . . ."

He jumped. "Well, you _do_ use the genjutsu to change your—"

"_Gai!"_

Leaf might be down one jounin by the time she was done.

Apparently Naruto and Gaara were too caught up in their discussion to pay attention to them. And if their barely audible topic shift was any indication . . .

"But you have the absolute defense—"

"I can't do it. I have diplomatic ties to uphold, the alliance to worry about—"

"But if _I_ do it, I'll get killed!"

They wouldn't.

Tsunade turned back to Gai as she heard him draw breath, guessing what his words would be by his expression. "If you say _anything_ about the 'curiosity and determination of youth' . . ." She cracked her knuckles pointedly.

At least the man had the decency to look offended. Unfortunately, her attention had been diverted just long enough for the co-conspirators to come to a decision. Naruto wrung his hands and grinned inanely as they approached. In stark contrast, Gaara's features were completely emotionless. If she didn't have to beat them both simple, she might later commend them for keeping their eyes on her face.

"Hokage," Gaara stated, the un-emotive tone of his voice as carefully within the proper bounds of respect as his short nod of greeting. She expected almost anything from there—a carefully phrased question, a curious glance at her front, even a calculated bump against her. She definitely hadn't expected the speed with which the boy's slim, pale hand shot forward.

Neither had Gai.

The jounin yelped when Gaara grabbed onto his left eyebrow, then shrieked when the redhead gave it two firm yanks.

Apparently satisfied, Gaara turned back to Naruto as he nonchalantly brushed his hand off against his leg. Tsunade found herself disturbed by the number of short hairs that fell away from his fingers. "I told you they were real."

Naruto folded his arms and pouted.

Gai's sniffles drew their collective attention back to him, his watering eyes and quivering lower lip eloquently describing his sense of violation. Gaara blinked at him, apparently waiting for some motion for retribution. When it became obvious that the wounded party was too concerned with rubbing his abused eyebrow to make any retaliatory strike, the Sand ninja shrugged and glanced at Tsunade. "We have business to get back to. We'll see you later."

The only thing she could think to do was nod. The boy's expression hadn't shifted once during the entire encounter.

As the pair walked away, Gaara spoke up again. "Lee cried too. Is it really that bad?"

Naruto swatted at the hand reaching for his face next. "You don't—Well, of _course_ you don't know, you don't _have_ eyebrows."

Tsunade patted the whimpering Gai on the back and sighed in relief before deciding to rub things in that much more. "Just imagine what it'll be like when _both_ of them are running things."


	2. Betting on Trouble

"Y'know," Naruto said as they walked, "Since we have the whole day off, we should find something fun to do." He thought twice, remembered that Gaara's idea of fun usually involved people-sized red splatters, and amended his statement: "_Normal_ fun."

Gaara glanced over at him. "Like what?"

Okay, this was a bad idea. "Like . . . um . . ." His shoulders slouched; Gaara was all aloof and elite and buried in Kazekage-type paperwork, and Naruto couldn't imagine what they'd both find entertaining. He imagined he'd probably have better luck entertaining a rock. "I dunno," he muttered.

"Well," Gaara said. His face tilted back to the sky, features relaxing into something close to a smile. "What do _you_ do for fun?"

Naruto mentally skimmed over his afternoon options . . . and shook his head. "Na. It'll probably get us in trouble."

Gaara's lips twitched into a smirk. "_Nothing_ will get you in trouble if you do it correctly."

Well, the guy'd asked for it. "Wanna bet?"

**ooo**

Alone and neck-deep in the bath house's warm water, Sakura sighed. She'd gotten her hospital shift and morning training out of the way _precisely_ so she'd have the time to take the rest of the day, sit back, and—

The partition between the men's and women's sides crashed into the water, and she shrieked even before she registered the identity of the person who'd kicked it down. Completely naked, Gaara strode over onto the women's side, glaring around the perimeter as a towel-clad Naruto charged after him, howling "Not now, not _now!"_

Cold green eyes met hers as she desperately tried to cover herself with her arms. "Where are they?"

"What are you _talking_ about?" she yelped in reply.

He glanced to either side again before refocusing on her. "You mean there's no one else here? You haven't seen anyone?"

A little voice in the back of her head steadily repeated _This isn't happening!_ She ignored it and shook her head—no.

Gaara scowled. "Then . . . What?" His attention was diverted by Naruto, who'd grabbed another towel and was unsuccessfully trying to wrap it around Gaara's waist. The redhead snatched the towel from Naruto's grasp and took a step back, his brow wrinkling offendedly. "Stop acting like I have something to be ashamed of!"

And—may the ghost of every past medic help her, she looked.

Sakura shrieked again and ducked under the water, holding her breath until the wavery forms above her disappeared. When she resurfaced, the wall was back in place—and if not for the wet footprints and discarded towel along the other side of the pool, she might've been able to convince herself it was all just a very brief, terribly vivid, naturally redheaded dream.

**ooo**

It was the shortest trip to a bath house Naruto'd ever had.

"I don't believe it," he said again. "I was even there, and . . ."

"Pay up," Gaara said, and extended a hand. "Thirty full seconds as myself, _and_ she looked, _and_ she didn't raise a finger against me."

Naruto grumbled under his breath and dug for his wallet. "This isn't very fun at all."

"You picked it first." Gaara waited patiently while he counted, then nonchalantly pocketed the majority of Naruto's ramen money and shrugged. "So, what else do you do for fun?"

Oh, _now_ the bastard was in for it. "I train," Naruto answered, lifting his chin and trying to look equally nonchalant. "I've made up some techniques you've never seen before . . ."

Gaara blinked politely, waiting.

"Including one that defeated the Third Hokage."

_Now_ Gaara looked interested.

"It's actually never really been defeated," Naruto finished—and Gaara went for it, hook, line, and sinker.

"Tell me about that one."

"I'll do better than that," Naruto said, grinning hugely. "I'll _show_ you."


	3. Cataclysm

After she got dressed—and mostly done being mortified—Sakura decided that it might be in her best interests to go find Gaara and Naruto. There had to be something big going on for the _Kazekage_ to go storming through bathhouses on a naked manhunt.

An academy student pointed her in the direction of one of the training grounds, then giggled something about how Gaara'd somehow bruised Gai's ego. Sakura wondered about this a little as she headed out to find the pair—but after a few years of knowing Gaara, she could say she'd only be surprised to find him offending people by accident.

When she saw them, Naruto seemed to be—gleefully—trying to talk Gaara out of something. "Are you reeeeally sure? After all, if it works, it'd mean I've beaten you _again_ . . ."

Gaara smirked cockily, dropped his gourd to the ground, and leaned on it with one hand. "It won't be that bad."

"Okay! Here it goes!"

Wait. Sakura paused, frowning—she knew those hand seals.

He wouldn't.

"Sexy no jutsu!"

He did.

Gaara's head tilted slightly to the side as he examined his newly-pigtailed companion. "That's it?"

Naruto harrumphed hard enough to almost dissipate the tiny clouds keeping his—her?—modesty intact, then made some more seals. Suddenly the clearing was covered in shadow clones, and Sakura smiled a little—maybe they were just out to spar after all.

"Harem no jutsu!"

Oh, _hell_ no.

This was getting completely out of hand. Sakura started marching forward again, ready to find the real Naruto and shake some sense into him—but on second thought, Gaara seemed to be handling himself fairly well. "Do they do something special?"

Naruto's eyes slitted with the effort of some terrible mental mathematics—then he jerked into motion with another series of hand seals and yelled, "Fine! Then try _this!"_

Sakura choked on her own saliva. Gaara even looked startled, his eyes widening dramatically as he stared around the clearing. "That's . . ."

Sakura found her voice with a shout: "That's _me!"_

"It worked!" cackled Naruto, and bounced—_why_ did he have to _bounce?_—up and down with glee. "It—" Then he saw her and paled, dropping his adopted form as the multitudes of clones disappeared like dirty laundry being shoved under his bed.

_"You,"_ she hissed as she advanced—and Naruto yelped, dodged past her grasping hand, and ducked behind Gaara.

Having regained his equilibrium as the distraction disappeared, Gaara watched the proceedings with interest.

"This is your fault," she snarled. All the little pieces of the afternoon fell together, and her voice rose as she snatched for Naruto again. "That's why Gaara was talking about someone being in the women's bath—_you_ told him there was! And now I know why—because you wanted to peek, to get ideas for your stupid perverted—Aagh!"

She lunged and Naruto dodged, somehow keeping Gaara between them. Eyes wide with alarm, he ducked away from another swing and pounded on the redhead's shoulder. "Shield, damn it, shield!"

Completely fed up with all of Naruto's nonsense, Sakura shoved Gaara out of the way and lunged again. Naruto didn't make it a full step before she'd caught him and jerked him completely off of his feet. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't start breaking things, then heal them, then break them again!"

"Wait, no! Don't blame me! It was his fault!"

She shook him. "Why should I believe that the _Kazekage_ would go around acting like . . . like _you?"_

"Because," Naruto said with a sickly grin, "if he'd really been hunting for someone in there, he would've brought his sand."

Oh. Somehow, some way, she'd forgotten what she _hadn't_ seen. But . . . that didn't make things much better.

With Naruto still dangling by the collar from one hand, she turned on Gaara. "You mean this was your idea?"

"No. It was his idea. I just won the bet."

"Bet," she repeated, and fixed him with the glare that could make even a jounin cower.

Gaara's expression remained mild. "He said I should have more fun."

"_Fun?_ So you upset our jounin, and make some kind of _bet_ about running around naked in the women's bath, and then you have him show you his awful perverted technique, and . . ." She gestured with one hand but didn't put Naruto down with the other—she wasn't through with him yet. "I mean, _you,_ of all people! You're the Kazekage—you _should_ be acting like—"

"Whatever," Gaara interrupted—then grabbed her wrist, swept her feet out with one of his own, and sent the three of them tumbling into the grass.


	4. Delirium

This one came out much more OT3 and much less silly. For whatever reason, Gaara's POV isn't really conductive to cracky humor.

Oh well. Whatcha gonna do?

* * *

Part of it was Gaara's wanting to be a part of their violent little game. Part of it had to be whatever wildness remained in him, and how it wanted to be rolled around in the grass. So he caught himself even as they landed on their sides, got his feet under himself first . . . and flopped over both of them.

Naruto caught an elbow to the solar plexus and wheezed. Sakura only had his legs over her and shoved them out of the way as she sat up, demanding "What are you—"

He barreled into her, rolled her over twice, grappled for some sort of a pin as he snarled against her shoulder—and found out the hard way that she was a lot stronger than he expected. Her limbs twisted, her hands fit in between their bodies—and with her shove he was flying again, twisting mid-air to land in a crouch between both of the Leaf-nins.

This was certainly shaping up to be _fun!_

Gaara set his fingertips in the dirt and glanced at the two, trying to figure out which he'd shoot for next. They stared back, their expressions mixtures of worry and amazement.

"Do you think he's okay?" Naruto finally said.

"He's grinning," Sakura replied. "I don't think I like it when he grins."

She'd do.

Naruto caught him just as he caught a hold of her, knocking him to the side even as Gaara grabbed a fistful of Sakura's shirt. The force pulled Sakura off her knees and halfway onto Naruto's back, dropping the blond onto Gaara hard enough to send sand flying everywhere. The redhead scowled and willed it away—he wanted contact, not walls.

On their knees over him as the shield dissipated, Naruto and Sakura gave him matching worried frowns. "Are you all right?" Naruto asked.

"I'm having fun," he said, and gave them his most practiced, most rational-looking "I'm sane, I swear" smile.

Naruto's expression said he'd need to work a little harder on that "I'm sane" smile.

"Fun," Sakura repeated . . . then relaxed, shrugged, and smiled brightly at both of them. She reached out for his hands almost hesitantly, then smiled again when he didn't pull away at her touch. "I can deal with that."

Her hands clenched against his, pinning him the ground with more than human strength. Sakura glanced over her shoulder to Naruto and grinned toothily. "See if he's ticklish."

Gaara couldn't remember having ever been tickled before, but he already wasn't impressed. It wouldn't be that big a deal—but he'd play along anyway, he decided, if only to humor—

Naruto's fingers dug into his sides and Gaara's stomach locked up, toes curled, legs and arms jerked of their own accord—and it didn't take both Leaf-nins stopping to stare for him to realize that yes, the awful gargling noise _had_ come out of his own mouth.

"I guess that's a yes," Naruto finally said—then grinned so widely that Gaara's fight-or-flight response piped up with its least-used option. To hell with this!

Sakura let go of his hands and dropped her weight onto his chest as he started to squirm in earnest, her legs scissoring into a wrestling sprawl he'd seen before but never needed to learn as an extra pair of hands wriggled mercilessly against his sides and ribs. Not to be beaten so easily, he writhed, kicked ineffectively, bit and tugged on a mouthful of pink hair, and grabbed for anything ticklish on either of the two in an attempt to retaliate. His attempts only succeeded in getting hair stuck between his teeth. But he'd never been good at hand to hand combat anyway. So other than sand, the only thing that'd probably get him out of this would be—

"Hey!" Sakura jerked upright and turned on her comrade. "Watch what you're tickling!"

—Would be an act of Naruto.

"It was an accident?" Naruto offered.

Sakura dove at him anyway. Gaara grinned and crawled onto the grappling pair, not sure who he was trying to help and not really caring. And he realized they had the same idea—when he pulled Sakura's arm away from Naruto's throat, only to have the blond bite him as repayment. He went for the choke Sakura'd started, sinking his hands into Naruto's collar as Sakura climbed onto his back, narrowly avoiding Naruto's attempt to shove fingers up his nose as—Why was Sakura patting him on the head?

He let go of the choke and rolled, coming to his hands and knees over her. Naruto moved to their side, looking for an opening, as Sakura laughed up at him. "It was funny!"

Funny? He'd show her funny. Gaara grinned wider and grabbed her sides. Sakura shrieked and bucked under him, forcing him to adjust his position before her knees triggered his shields. Naruto's arms locked around his own while Sakura's legs wound around his sides, feet crossing behind him, and _this_ was certainly interesting—

Later, he made a conscious decision to never again let a kunoichi with super strength wrap around him like that. Just then, though, his thoughts compressed (much like his waistline) down to one word: _Organs!_

And as Naruto hooked an arm around his neck and bore down with a chokehold, he gained another word: _Air!_

There was only one option other than sand that would get him out of this predicament . . . So as his control started to slip, he used it, signaling game over by reaching up with one hand to tap twice against Naruto's arm.

Giving in to both of them, he found, wasn't too terrible an experience. Sakura blushed a little and pulled her legs back from around him; Naruto cackled in his ear and rattled him from side to side before letting go.

He wondered if they'd want to try again. Soon.

Naruto backed away sheepishly, then grinned when Gaara faced him. "Truce?"

As long as it wasn't permanent. "Okay."

"Good," Naruto replied, and flopped onto his back to stare at the sky. "We're supposed to be _relaxing."_

Gaara glanced over at Sakura, who leaned back on her elbows and grinned. "Me too, actually."

Cautiously, almost waiting for either of them to start again, he stretched out between them. He reached out and tugged on a lock of Sakura's hair when she smiled again, just so she knew he still had fight left in him, and left his hand there when her only response was another chuckle—and because it felt right to make things even, to touch them both at once, he crossed his legs over Naruto's stomach. Naruto made a gruff noise in response and halfheartedly punched him in the thigh—and for his part, Gaara quietly thought very hard about which of them he'd jump on first. After all, relaxation was only for the people who didn't know what he was plotting.

But for him . . . He was filthy, covered in grass and leaves, probably more scuffed up than he'd been since the _last_ time he'd fought Naruto . . . and so dizzyingly, unthinkably happy he wasn't sure what to do with himself.

"Y'know," Naruto said, and poked him in the knee. "Shikamaru always says watching clouds is fun."

"It is," Sakura said, and touched his fingers.

And it was.


End file.
